Evil Kitty of the Week: YES!

A kitty who thinks as I do...

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Guvnah Shang Gets A Bit Too Close for His Own Good

My, my, my...

I managed to catch up and have a little chat with the Guvnah for a moment in Port Caledon. Of course, I could and should have produced a doom ray and proclaimed all of Caledon for myself at that very moment, but what would have been the fun in that really? Hm...actually...well...

I forgot what an disarmingly amiable fellow he is and he made the mistake of stooping down a bit too fast as we spoke. Feline instinct kicked in at the quick movement and took me off guard so I, well, took a swipe at him. I did not scratch him, but I did manage to procure a few strands of his hair in the process. Never know how handy they might be. *cackles*

Ask ETK: Rodent Play Dates

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty:

Pray tell, why does my cat play with rodents? Eat them, certainly, though one would think tuna would taste better than mouse, but I cannot understand the play date first.

Signed,

Just Eat It, Cat


Dear Just Eat It, Cat,

Although I do quite agree with you about the absurdity of the "play" part. I can only think of one reason besides general amusement: boredom. Sheer and absolute utter boredom. Why else would we even dare to be seen with them if we are not pouncing upon them with glee?

There are times when we just simply can not be bothered. 'Tis entirely too much trouble to go mousing when you can let the mousie come to you! Personally, I like mine sprinkled with anchovies and drizzled with fish sauce. Good eating indeed! They also make nice presents too.

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

The Other Day at the Warehouse...

To play a bit of catch-up here in this journal, the other day Mayor Tenk of New Babbage paid the Warehouses a visit and we chatted amiably about my tock lobster and his impending time in office...Then Dr. Mason and his two new little neko constructs came by as well. I heard that his attempt to create one before these two ended badly. Very badly. Destruction by mimmoth I believe? *tsk* However did that happen? I do believe he made a veiled threat against my lobster after one of his constructs wandered a bit too close to the squiddy thing.

*shrugs*

Well, to my credit I did say that it hasn't attacked anyone to my knowledge...yet. I barely like human children, so I most certainly personally do not relate to construct-children well. How does one deal with constructs that are like children? Are they automatons? Are they still to be treated as children although they could probably rip a person apart quite easily if they so wished or were commanded to do so? Would there be an uproar if somehow their systems got scrambled from being too close to some equipment? 'Tis a bit of a quandary for my evil disposition and reputation. Alas, in the meantime, I must put up more signs. *sighs*

Ask ETK: Cuddy

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does Cuddy force me to feed her all the time?

Signed,
I'm A Builder Not A Waiter

Simple. You are her pet and she has trained you well.

And I have heard that Miss Cuddy is 18 years old? I mean, really...if I was 18 years old I should like to have others feed me as well! By hand. At that age I would be cantankerous and demanding too! Oh wait...I do not wish to hear that I am like that already. Don't make me have to release the crate creature.

[UPDATE: Since publishing this, dear Miss Cuddy has since passed on. May she be surrounded by kitty delights and my condolences to her family.]

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Evil Kitty of the Week: Nooo...You EAT Them!

I swear to God, do not tell Willard or Chuckles...they will never let me live this one down! How perfect for Friday the 13th, O unlucky day!

Ask ETK: ETK Answers Your RL Kitty Questions!

Today I am starting a regular posting called "Ask ETK" involving questions regarding your RL kitties! "Hopefully you can answer my questions on the mysterious things they do," The Elf said to me. I shall try.

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well. Shall we begin?

(from top to bottom: Neko, Neeka, & Cuddy)

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does my kitty Neeka grab my hand and pet herself with it? And why does Neko like to get into boxes he cannot fit himself into?

--Moon Over Steelhead

Dear Moon Over Steelhead,

Miss Neeka is lulling you into a false sense of contentment and thinking "I shall make him think that I like him and he will give me more treats! I will just have to endure the infernal affection in the meanwhile." I'd sleep with one eye open with that one...

As for Mr Neko? He is Emperor of All Boxes. Continue to indulge the delusion and you shall live.


Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

I have one that has been foremost on my mind recently...what IS that tail for? It seems it's merely a waste of...flesh bone and space...

--Blue in Steeltopia

*sputters*

Dear Blue in Steeltopia,

A "waste of flesh, bone and space"?! I am flabbergasted that you should say such a thing! It is for better balance, you nitwit! We communicate with them as well. Although, I must admit that it is also good for chasing when bored. It is also fun to tap things with it nonchalantly when I am being still. I can not imagine being without it. I do feel so for the lynxes, with their stubby ones and all. Don't tell them though...they are a bit "sensitive" about it. However do they manage? And honestly, I do not know how you humans stay upright without a tail. 'Tis bad enough you have no claws and can't truly see in the dark. You all must stumble quite a lot.

Evil Kitty of the Week: Hiss = Bad

Oh, for goodness sakes humans! What part of "hiss equals 'BAD' for you" do you not understand?

A Visit with Willard

BonkerZ and I went over to the jail for my weekly visit with Willard. He says he does not like visitors normally, but he does not mind me as I listen to his rather longwinded tales and bring him treats such as this fine plate of cheese. BonkerZ asked if he was the garnish and we both looked at her...As she sat on Sheriff Fuzz's Nun Gun, I had to explain Steelhead SWAT to her: "Well, essentially, the humans like to dress up as the religious women and tote firearms from time to time. Keeping the peace with a piece, shall we say?" "Well, that makes no sense," she said.

I shrugged. When do humans ever make sense?

Listening

I thought I would take a stroll through Port Harbor to clear my head a little and perhaps listen a bit more to the perfectly diabolical thoughts creeping in. I rubbed my paws together with glee. 'Tis time to create!

And if you happen to see BonkerZ passing by with a torch in her hand, well...hmm...she needed the extra light? During the daytime. Yes. That's it.