Thursday, April 30, 2009

Willard the Rat: A Tale of Two Kitties

I missed my weekly visit with Willard last week due to that minor mishap with the electrical line, so I thought I'd stop by. The usual threats were exchanged, the cheese was set out and all and I think I fell asleep somewhere around "...And I told those two cats, you know--Buttons and Dribbles--that rats love to gnaw things..." All I heard was more "blahblahblah" and fell asleep. I woke up to his laughing--which sounds like a high-pitched squeaky wheeze--and his saying something about his rat humor being too much for me.

I checked my pockets before I left and a few of my Lindens were missing. After exchanging some more threats and baring my fangs and claws he grumbled something about violence and cats going hand in hand and begrudgingly gave them back. I mean, really...he lives in a jail. With no one else. What in the heck was he going to buy?

Oh nevermind, don't answer that.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

2nd Annual Mad Scientist Convention!

I received this missive recently and I am most excited...

"Caledon Steam SkyCity is proud to present the SSC 2nd Annual Mad Scientist Convention - SSC ReAnimated
May 2nd, 2009; 3pm and 5pm SLT

Has your research turned to archaic subjects?
Do your formulae come from ancient tomes as much as from modern journals?
Are you meddling in things Man was not meant to know?
From Frankenstein to Tesla, and from Flamel to Herbert West, some scientists cannot leave well enough alone.

Join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 3pm for the Speed Building Contest, Avatar contest entries must be received by 4pm with winners announced during the Mad Scientist's ReAnimation Ball starting at 5pm. There will be two build contests with a grand prize in each category and a dance in the evening.

*Unnatural Creation Avatar - Building starts now, with judging on the day of the convention. Create an avatar from scratch. Is it a murderous robot? A living Construct? Did you summon Cthulhu from a test tube? Let your imagination run wild, and show us that science really can "open strange doors." Avatars will be judged on creativity, quality, and fit with the theme. No parts from other avatars - must be wholly your own creation. Judging between 3pm and 4pm SLT.

*Speed build- one hour, theme related to "weird science practices" will be announced at the start of the contest. Building starts at 3pm, and stops at 4pm. Judging will be based on quality, originality, and how well it fits with the announced theme.

Do not let the narrow-minded views of fools and stagnant academics hinder you. This is Science!"

Haaaa! Science INDEED! I won "Best Rant" last year. Hmm...I do hope to be able to participate.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Evil Never Sleeps?

Evil never sleeps?With one eye open and with security measures firmly in place! Personally, I like my beauty rest. Now shoo!

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Primgraph Death Rays Article

Frau Annechen Lowey has written a rather amusing article about death rays in the first of her "Etiquette of the Steamlands" series for the Primgraph magazine that covers the historic sims. Although my usual idea of death ray etiquette is often "zap first, ask later" I found it a good read just the same.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Spring for an Evil Kitty

Ah, Spring. A time of renewal. Flowers and trees and sunshine and such. As I reclined on the grass in front of the Lab, such fanciful thoughts went through my mind...
The sky was a lovely shade of blue and it was easy to pick out shapes in the clouds: knives, beakers, severed feet and whatnot. I even saw someone flying by in their air vehicle...I shall have to remember not to touch that particular power line again. I suppose the twitching will stop soon...perhaps...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A Willard Story: Rattus the Wimp & the Chorus Girls

As you all may well know, I pay a weekly visit to Steelhead's most famous rodent, Willard the Jail Rat. Who else knows criminality better than someone used to society's underbelly? Besides, it helps improve my Rodentspeak. He finally told me his two middle names and his last one, but he says he has a reputation to maintain. He has a tendency towards being long-winded, but I threatened him I would bite him if he did that to me again, so he told this one instead:

"Well, there was me 'n' this ol' ship rat named Rattus..." he said.

"Rattus? Well, that's rather original..." I started to say.

"Don't start, ya rude feline, and lemme finish already," he said, his dark beady eyes glaring at me. I raised my paws in resignation.

"Anyways, there was this ol' ship rat named Rattus. He was always talking about how big 'n' bad he was, how the humans didn't scare him at all and how he had no fear. I was practically a pup, off on my first adventure on a clipper. Ahh, it was a rat's life! Gnawing on things, climbin' the ropes, eating hardtack, being out in the fresh salty air, gnawing on things..."

"I do believe you said that already Willard."

He sat up on his haunches and looked at me. "Whaddid I tell ya cat?! You wanna hear this or not?"

"Oh, for God's sakes! FINE!" I started muttering to myself.

"Well, me 'n' Rattus an' some of the other ship rats hopped off when we reached the port and made our way to a dancin' hall, where the humans like watching the female ones in their fancy wear--what there was of it on 'em. It's usually good eatin' for us there. Rattus yells to the rest of us 'Watch this!' and runs out on the stage. The females all start screamin' and runnin' around. We're all laughing until this female comes out with a huge broom. You see his eyes get all scared and he cowers. In a flash, the big'un steps on his tail and starts whacking him with a broom. He's curlin' up a ball screamin' 'Nooo! Ow! OW!" over and over again and the rest of us are on the side laughin' as this big human is whackin' him over and over again. Somehow he gets himself free and runs off to where we are. He's all bruised up and his fur was all roughed, but you know what he said to us?"

"Do I really want to know, Willard?" I said, yawning.

"Yeah, ya do! He ran over to us and said 'I sure showed her!'"

At this, Willard keels over, convulsed with laughter. It took everything I had not to bite him anyway. Rat humor...I swear.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Ask ETK: Oh...It Doesn't Even Matter...

This is Frank. I was told in a letter that he gets excited about squirrels outside and knocks over things inside. I mean really, who doesn't?

I don't care what he's done wrong. Those big paws? That come-hither look? That little "goatee" splotch that gives him such a rogueish, dashing air...and oh my--he has golden eyes?

*waves a paw, giggles and whispers*

"Telegraph me..."

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at] and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Friday, April 3, 2009

In Defense of Evil Geniuses...AND Lawyers

Doctor Obolensky was recently served papers in Babbage as it seems a lawsuit is being filed against him by Steelhead resident Miss Eugenia Burton. Seems she is a supernatural djinni who broke her ankle when she fell from a high height--her powers having failed upon her being allegedly affected by a reality enforcing device. Doctor O. has since replied to these charges, but it looks like he could possibly be brought to trial for this.

As an "evil" genius myself, I am watching this a bit as I have been known to create a few devices of dubious purpose myself. I could not help but to chuckle a bit at the Doctor's reply, as I did agree with quite a bit of it.

I am not too worried for Doctor O though. We "evil" geniuses get such a bad rap. One does not reach the overly ripe old age of 108 in our profession without having been there-done that a few times (or being exposed to some kind of chemical/rays). I can tell you from experience. A town got levelled once (or twice), killer tomatoes invaded a port village, what that green goo was and how that minion ended up "falling" overboard on my airship that time? How did all of that happen? No idea whatsoever. *whistles*

Say what you will about them, but for us mad scientist "evil" genius types, a good lawyer is priceless.