Thursday, August 20, 2009

Willard the Rat: Ruinin' Good Cheese

I went to visit Willard the Rat today. Seems the cell was freshly washed before I came, so I sat down to listen to him. "Do try to not be as longwinded as usual," I said. "The minions get into things when I am away."

His beady eyes glittered a bit before he said, "Aw, shut yer trap cat. I'm not 'longwinded", I've just got plenty to say."

"No doubt about that," I muttered to myself.

"I'm right here, ya know," he said, his little ears twitching. "Anyways, I got a story for you today involving excitement, adventure, and cheese."

"Cheese?," I said, rolling my eyes. "Oh, for Bastet's sake, I should've known."

He laughed his squeaking laugh and continued, ignoring me. "Well, you remember the two guys that I helped escape, right? Turns out they were the McGillicuddy Brothers, outlaws and general public menaces. Of course, I didn't care about all that given that I was fed quite well. All the stuff I could handle. The tall one--Sean--took care of me pretty well. He also usually had to take care of his younger brother Patrick, who was kind of reckless."

"It was kind of an exciting time for a young rat like me. There was something about riding the horses into a new town. Always the same: Folks comin' out and watchin' us go by, the men of the town scowlin' and lookin' like they want to grab their weapons. The sheriff at some point would make sure that we knew he was there. The ladies just looked. Everyone stayed outta our way. Always the same."

"Well, we stopped in this small town and went straight to the lodgings there. The man didn't ask any questions. Just took our money, told us when mealtime was, and handed over our room keys. The lady was a whole other story. Upon seeing me perched on Sean's shoulder she started screamin'. I mean, she would not shut up. Her husband's tryin' to hush her and all, but she wouldn't shut up. She finally calmed down and asked for a moment to freshen up our rooms a bit more. The brothers looked at one another and shrugged. 'Won't be too long,' she said, and hurried off."

"A few minutes later we went on into the room and I started to sniff. The Brothers noticed the cheese first and looked at one another. Patrick went on over and sniffed it and started cussin' in another language. I started to hop down from Sean's shoulder, but realized the cheese smelled a little funny. He held onto me and said, 'Not this time, friend. It's got a l'il extra on it that can kill ya.' I figured out what he meant and it was my turn to start cussin'."

"The Brothers turned right on around and hightailed it outta there. We hopped on their horses and I think it's safe to say they did a bit of damage that night. 'Nobody messes with Willard!' they yelled as they tore through town, leaving a trail of mayhem behind 'em. Darn straight! Ruinin' a good piece of cheese like that!"

Willard looked me square in the eye and said, "Nobody oughtta ruin cheese."

1 comment:

HeadBurro Antfarm said...

Cor... he's full of something that rat, not quite wisdom, but whatever it is, he's full of it...