Thinking About...Ebenezer Scrooge

I always appreciated Ebenezer's way of thinking: Sticking to his convictions and keeping his minion Cratchit in line, all while shaking his fist in defiance at the world. After all, is that much coal for warmth in the office really necessary? And his stance on workhouses and how to decrease the "surplus population" of the poor? Legendary.

So when I heard that he had been "reformed" I headed over to his place of business to see for myself. His minion Crachit was as chipper as ever, much to my annoyance. However, it was seeing Ebenezer being so "perky" himself that made my kitty stomach turn ever so slightly.

As I sipped my tea I asked him about his recent change of his ways and what brought it about. "Four ghosts? Really?" I asked. "Are you sure you hadn't been sipping much that evening?" He insisted he had not and said that he even saw his old partner Mr Marley. "My God man, what was in your gruel?" I asked. I offered him the name of some experts in spirit removal--as well as that of a psychiatrist--but he declined, saying he was a reformed man. I told him that I would miss our scowling contests (he usually won). He said that I should try being nice, I might like it, to which I said only one word:

"Humbug."

19th c. Sewing Automaton

I do so love automatons. This lovely one named Nancy "sews" and was made in the late 19th c. of papier-mache. She was driven by a hand crank under the stage. For those of you who love gears and springs and inner workings as much as I do, peruse the aether site of the UK workshop that restored her. Fantastic work.

A Building Contest

Hmm...it seems Steelhead is having a delightfully twisted take on a state fair blue ribbon contest: A Steampunk Build Contest for livestock, poultry and "other" animals!

I do believe I shall participate. I have until the 23rd to submit my entry. I suppose if others wish to participate as well, they need to let the Elf know before the 18th.

*cackles* Must get to work then! Where's my wrench?

Willard the Rat: Ruinin' Good Cheese

I went to visit Willard the Rat today. Seems the cell was freshly washed before I came, so I sat down to listen to him. "Do try to not be as longwinded as usual," I said. "The minions get into things when I am away."

His beady eyes glittered a bit before he said, "Aw, shut yer trap cat. I'm not 'longwinded", I've just got plenty to say."

"No doubt about that," I muttered to myself.

"I'm right here, ya know," he said, his little ears twitching. "Anyways, I got a story for you today involving excitement, adventure, and cheese."

"Cheese?," I said, rolling my eyes. "Oh, for Bastet's sake, I should've known."

He laughed his squeaking laugh and continued, ignoring me. "Well, you remember the two guys that I helped escape, right? Turns out they were the McGillicuddy Brothers, outlaws and general public menaces. Of course, I didn't care about all that given that I was fed quite well. All the stuff I could handle. The tall one--Sean--took care of me pretty well. He also usually had to take care of his younger brother Patrick, who was kind of reckless."

"It was kind of an exciting time for a young rat like me. There was something about riding the horses into a new town. Always the same: Folks comin' out and watchin' us go by, the men of the town scowlin' and lookin' like they want to grab their weapons. The sheriff at some point would make sure that we knew he was there. The ladies just looked. Everyone stayed outta our way. Always the same."

"Well, we stopped in this small town and went straight to the lodgings there. The man didn't ask any questions. Just took our money, told us when mealtime was, and handed over our room keys. The lady was a whole other story. Upon seeing me perched on Sean's shoulder she started screamin'. I mean, she would not shut up. Her husband's tryin' to hush her and all, but she wouldn't shut up. She finally calmed down and asked for a moment to freshen up our rooms a bit more. The brothers looked at one another and shrugged. 'Won't be too long,' she said, and hurried off."

"A few minutes later we went on into the room and I started to sniff. The Brothers noticed the cheese first and looked at one another. Patrick went on over and sniffed it and started cussin' in another language. I started to hop down from Sean's shoulder, but realized the cheese smelled a little funny. He held onto me and said, 'Not this time, friend. It's got a l'il extra on it that can kill ya.' I figured out what he meant and it was my turn to start cussin'."

"The Brothers turned right on around and hightailed it outta there. We hopped on their horses and I think it's safe to say they did a bit of damage that night. 'Nobody messes with Willard!' they yelled as they tore through town, leaving a trail of mayhem behind 'em. Darn straight! Ruinin' a good piece of cheese like that!"

Willard looked me square in the eye and said, "Nobody oughtta ruin cheese."

Oh...my...

Ode to a Gasworks

Yesterday, as I stood before the now destroyed and much-despised gasworks in Steelhead City, I composed a little poem:

O gasworks, trees you did consume
Hated thing you were
With your gears and noise and saws
Amidst idyllic Steelhead green.

Those naysayers to progress
Adverse to soot
With their fresh air, clean living ways
A problem-solving "storm".

Such rubble, all about in ruins
Still now are your blades
Know all, there is only forward
Industry marches on!

Oh My...A Tower...

Oh my...a fancy wasserturm? As the saloon is now gone, I suppose this is the Elf's doing...
I could not resist going in and climbing up its stairs towards the top...Of course, upon reaching the highest point and looking down I could not help but to think of how far down it was and how there are some folks that I...haaaa...Now now, my good folks, I would never do such a thing! If one simply "loses their balance", I could not possibly be at fault for their clumsiness?

19th c. Airship and Balloon Broadside Announcements

I do so love the repository of knowledge that is the U.S. Library of Congress. While perusing its aethernet offerings, I came across the wonderful Tissandier collection of French and British broadsides with airship and balloon ascension announcements. Do enjoy.

Obolenskidonia...Ahh...Smell the Oppression

I, like all aspirational, ambitious types of a certain "ilk", enjoy seeing when one of us makes a move and takes over from the current government. With Mayor Tenk's absence, Babbage was ripe for such a thing. I have received missives and watched events unfold with interest there as Doc O unleashed his Lord Smashingtons and took Babbage for himself...Ahhh...the wonderful smell of oppression...But of course, there are always some folks who just do not appreciate the new, wonderful changes...
Ugh...resistance fighters. Bane of a dictator's existence. Oh, how they vex one so...I have heard that tonight will determine whether the Obolensky regime falls. We shall see...

On An Angry Mob's Good Side For Once

Usually angry mobs mean a problem or botched experiment gone awry...whatever was I thinking when I agreed to go to a dance surrounded by pitchforks and torches the other night? And a purple demon stepped on my tail. As it still hurts a bit, I am going to try not to scratch him next time that I see him. Yes, I know...he's a demon. That won't do much good to him, but it'll make me feel good!

'Twas a bit of an enjoyable diversion though. Some seem to think I should get out more. That perhaps all of those fumes, chemicals and sparking wires are not altogether good for me. They should be more concerned about what is good for them, not me! I am an evil genius and criminal mastermind! I am supposed to be busy in my lab inventing things and plotting and scheming and lurking in the shadows! Anyway...I have some business that I need to handle soon. Something that I must go to a hidden place to retrieve--I mean, deal--with.

*mutters to herself and rubs her tail*

Adventures in Babbage

Yesterday, I thought I would visit my minion Asrei in New Babbage and take a bit of a tour. Especially as much of the town seemed to be distracted by a soiree in the Vernian Sea. First, however, we thought we'd thoroughly look at the relatively new town hall there. We found its hydro-power system to be of much interest...Took a lift to the clocktower, where there was a small hammock. Just big enough for a gnome, I'd say. I noted the exits. Hmm...
While in the water-accessible basement, we examined the hydro-power source a bit further...
While walking along the pier, my minion's combustion weapon seemed to attract much attention from visitors and other looky-loos intrigued by its design. Asrei looked at me--as he was itching to burn something--and I nodded. He flipped a switch, pulled the trigger and whoosh! Ah, I do love fire so.
We even ran into a Babbage intelligence officer. I do prefer to stay under the radar, so it was good to not be a "person of interest"--at the moment. I must pay another visit to Babbage sometime soon. I find their citizens rather amusing.

Plotting, Planning, Scheming...

Minions, I shall be calling a meeting with you all soon. We have much to discuss. As for the rest of you? "Nothing" is afoot. Carry on...

*cackles*

Well, Well, Well...

Upon taking my walk through Steelhead recently, I came upon Miss Genie's farm in the corner of Harborside. I could not help but to look at her chicken coop. They are so plump and lovely and delicious-looking. I pulled out a doom ray and one even gave me an egg. Why thank you...And then, on the bridge was a most curious thing--a mechanical spider. Most certainly not one of mine. I checked for a maker's stamp somewhere, but alas...I could not find one. Who is leaving stray automatons about?

Willard the Rat: Striking Out for Adventure!

As usual, I stopped by for my weekly visit with Willard the Steelhead Jail Rat. I set down the fresh cheese platter and some water and he promised to at least ask me before relieving me of my lindens this time. I got comfortable and he jumped right into his story:

"Well, I said my goodbyes to Rattus and the crew and decided to strike out on my own. I wanted to see what opportunities there were for a young handsome rat such as myself. Quit yer groanin' cat!"

I rolled my eyes and waved a paw at him, "Go on already."

"As I was saying, I made my way through the port and decided to hop on the first wagon going out of there. I didn't care where it was going. Adventure was in my future! Nibbled on their scraps and got water when I could when we stopped. We'd been travelling for quite a while when we finally came upon a small frontier town. I kind of liked it and we parted ways. Plenty of food for a rat like me. I noticed another wagon and hopped up into it.

I was poking around in the front before noticing the back had two dusty, mean-lookin' humans laying in it--one tall, one short--their hands tied with rope around their wrists. I sniffed closer and the tall one of 'em said "Hey now, rat...mind helping us out here a bit? We'll feed ya and you can come with us."

Willard stopped talking and looked at me. "Cat, are you groanin' again?!" he yelled. I couldn't help myself. "Oh for Bastet's sake Rat!" I yelled back. "Tell the blasted story!"

He glared at me and continued. "I freed 'em and they ended up getting ahold of some weapons and robbin' the town blind. I got to ride on their shoulders as they did it. Pretty exciting for a young rat like me. When they were in the clear, I got all the food I could handle. That was good eatin' I tell ya! His buddy asked him how'd he know I was gonna help. 'Easy,' the tall one said."

"Don't tell me Willard," I interrupted. "Because 'rats like to gnaw things.'"

Willard squeaked loudly as he chuckled. "Well now," he said through his laughter. "I think my rat humor's starting to rub off on ya!"

Oh, I most certainly hope not.

Obolensky vs Burton Steelhead Trial Recap

Miss Burton, the plaintiff, is a djinn who supposedly lost her powers......and blames the defendant, Doctor Obolensky, saying that one of his devices caused it to happen...
Doctor Mason was brought on as a witness and sworn in on a Torah, but having no body--wasn't allowed to be a witness. Did his own quack medicine and practices finally get the best of him?After a longwinded--and long in general--trial, Doctor O made quite the escape and Judge Broom found for the plaintiff, Miss Burton. I swear...what is the world coming to when we evil geniuses are to be dragged into the court like this?
Doctor O left his mark on the Town Hall roof. I, of course, believe that in Steelhead there can be only two evil geniuses...me, and The Redhead--who was not thrilled at all about either mark...
There was talk of his roaming the town in a giant crab. Oh, dear Bastet, did he have tock lobster envy or something? I do swear. I cleaned my claws and watched calmly as the townspeople ran about in a panic. I mean, after all...I think about levelling Steelhead on a regular basis, so this was merely amusing to me. If you feel like legal mumbojumbo, inappropriate leering, indignant old men, and other assorted crazinesses the trial transcript's available for your perusal.

Willard the Rat: A Tale of Two Kitties

I missed my weekly visit with Willard last week due to that minor mishap with the electrical line, so I thought I'd stop by. The usual threats were exchanged, the cheese was set out and all and I think I fell asleep somewhere around "...And I told those two cats, you know--Buttons and Dribbles--that rats love to gnaw things..." All I heard was more "blahblahblah" and fell asleep. I woke up to his laughing--which sounds like a high-pitched squeaky wheeze--and his saying something about his rat humor being too much for me.

I checked my pockets before I left and a few of my Lindens were missing. After exchanging some more threats and baring my fangs and claws he grumbled something about violence and cats going hand in hand and begrudgingly gave them back. I mean, really...he lives in a jail. With no one else. What in the heck was he going to buy?

Oh nevermind, don't answer that.

The Primgraph Death Rays Article

Frau Annechen Lowey has written a rather amusing article about death rays in the first of her "Etiquette of the Steamlands" series for the Primgraph magazine that covers the historic sims. Although my usual idea of death ray etiquette is often "zap first, ask later" I found it a good read just the same.

Spring for an Evil Kitty

Ah, Spring. A time of renewal. Flowers and trees and sunshine and such. As I reclined on the grass in front of the Lab, such fanciful thoughts went through my mind...
The sky was a lovely shade of blue and it was easy to pick out shapes in the clouds: knives, beakers, severed feet and whatnot. I even saw someone flying by in their air vehicle...I shall have to remember not to touch that particular power line again. I suppose the twitching will stop soon...perhaps...

A Willard Story: Rattus the Wimp & the Chorus Girls

As you all may well know, I pay a weekly visit to Steelhead's most famous rodent, Willard the Jail Rat. Who else knows criminality better than someone used to society's underbelly? Besides, it helps improve my Rodentspeak. He finally told me his two middle names and his last one, but he says he has a reputation to maintain. He has a tendency towards being long-winded, but I threatened him I would bite him if he did that to me again, so he told this one instead:

"Well, there was me 'n' this ol' ship rat named Rattus..." he said.

"Rattus? Well, that's rather original..." I started to say.

"Don't start, ya rude feline, and lemme finish already," he said, his dark beady eyes glaring at me. I raised my paws in resignation.

"Anyways, there was this ol' ship rat named Rattus. He was always talking about how big 'n' bad he was, how the humans didn't scare him at all and how he had no fear. I was practically a pup, off on my first adventure on a clipper. Ahh, it was a rat's life! Gnawing on things, climbin' the ropes, eating hardtack, being out in the fresh salty air, gnawing on things..."

"I do believe you said that already Willard."

He sat up on his haunches and looked at me. "Whaddid I tell ya cat?! You wanna hear this or not?"

"Oh, for God's sakes! FINE!" I started muttering to myself.

"Well, me 'n' Rattus an' some of the other ship rats hopped off when we reached the port and made our way to a dancin' hall, where the humans like watching the female ones in their fancy wear--what there was of it on 'em. It's usually good eatin' for us there. Rattus yells to the rest of us 'Watch this!' and runs out on the stage. The females all start screamin' and runnin' around. We're all laughing until this female comes out with a huge broom. You see his eyes get all scared and he cowers. In a flash, the big'un steps on his tail and starts whacking him with a broom. He's curlin' up a ball screamin' 'Nooo! Ow! OW!" over and over again and the rest of us are on the side laughin' as this big human is whackin' him over and over again. Somehow he gets himself free and runs off to where we are. He's all bruised up and his fur was all roughed, but you know what he said to us?"

"Do I really want to know, Willard?" I said, yawning.

"Yeah, ya do! He ran over to us and said 'I sure showed her!'"

At this, Willard keels over, convulsed with laughter. It took everything I had not to bite him anyway. Rat humor...I swear.

Guvnah Shang Gets A Bit Too Close for His Own Good

My, my, my...

I managed to catch up and have a little chat with the Guvnah for a moment in Port Caledon. Of course, I could and should have produced a doom ray and proclaimed all of Caledon for myself at that very moment, but what would have been the fun in that really? Hm...actually...well...

I forgot what an disarmingly amiable fellow he is and he made the mistake of stooping down a bit too fast as we spoke. Feline instinct kicked in at the quick movement and took me off guard so I, well, took a swipe at him. I did not scratch him, but I did manage to procure a few strands of his hair in the process. Never know how handy they might be. *cackles*

A Visit with Willard

BonkerZ and I went over to the jail for my weekly visit with Willard. He says he does not like visitors normally, but he does not mind me as I listen to his rather longwinded tales and bring him treats such as this fine plate of cheese. BonkerZ asked if he was the garnish and we both looked at her...As she sat on Sheriff Fuzz's Nun Gun, I had to explain Steelhead SWAT to her: "Well, essentially, the humans like to dress up as the religious women and tote firearms from time to time. Keeping the peace with a piece, shall we say?" "Well, that makes no sense," she said.

I shrugged. When do humans ever make sense?