Willard the Rat: Ruinin' Good Cheese

I went to visit Willard the Rat today. Seems the cell was freshly washed before I came, so I sat down to listen to him. "Do try to not be as longwinded as usual," I said. "The minions get into things when I am away."

His beady eyes glittered a bit before he said, "Aw, shut yer trap cat. I'm not 'longwinded", I've just got plenty to say."

"No doubt about that," I muttered to myself.

"I'm right here, ya know," he said, his little ears twitching. "Anyways, I got a story for you today involving excitement, adventure, and cheese."

"Cheese?," I said, rolling my eyes. "Oh, for Bastet's sake, I should've known."

He laughed his squeaking laugh and continued, ignoring me. "Well, you remember the two guys that I helped escape, right? Turns out they were the McGillicuddy Brothers, outlaws and general public menaces. Of course, I didn't care about all that given that I was fed quite well. All the stuff I could handle. The tall one--Sean--took care of me pretty well. He also usually had to take care of his younger brother Patrick, who was kind of reckless."

"It was kind of an exciting time for a young rat like me. There was something about riding the horses into a new town. Always the same: Folks comin' out and watchin' us go by, the men of the town scowlin' and lookin' like they want to grab their weapons. The sheriff at some point would make sure that we knew he was there. The ladies just looked. Everyone stayed outta our way. Always the same."

"Well, we stopped in this small town and went straight to the lodgings there. The man didn't ask any questions. Just took our money, told us when mealtime was, and handed over our room keys. The lady was a whole other story. Upon seeing me perched on Sean's shoulder she started screamin'. I mean, she would not shut up. Her husband's tryin' to hush her and all, but she wouldn't shut up. She finally calmed down and asked for a moment to freshen up our rooms a bit more. The brothers looked at one another and shrugged. 'Won't be too long,' she said, and hurried off."

"A few minutes later we went on into the room and I started to sniff. The Brothers noticed the cheese first and looked at one another. Patrick went on over and sniffed it and started cussin' in another language. I started to hop down from Sean's shoulder, but realized the cheese smelled a little funny. He held onto me and said, 'Not this time, friend. It's got a l'il extra on it that can kill ya.' I figured out what he meant and it was my turn to start cussin'."

"The Brothers turned right on around and hightailed it outta there. We hopped on their horses and I think it's safe to say they did a bit of damage that night. 'Nobody messes with Willard!' they yelled as they tore through town, leaving a trail of mayhem behind 'em. Darn straight! Ruinin' a good piece of cheese like that!"

Willard looked me square in the eye and said, "Nobody oughtta ruin cheese."

Oh...my...

Willard the Rat: Striking Out for Adventure!

As usual, I stopped by for my weekly visit with Willard the Steelhead Jail Rat. I set down the fresh cheese platter and some water and he promised to at least ask me before relieving me of my lindens this time. I got comfortable and he jumped right into his story:

"Well, I said my goodbyes to Rattus and the crew and decided to strike out on my own. I wanted to see what opportunities there were for a young handsome rat such as myself. Quit yer groanin' cat!"

I rolled my eyes and waved a paw at him, "Go on already."

"As I was saying, I made my way through the port and decided to hop on the first wagon going out of there. I didn't care where it was going. Adventure was in my future! Nibbled on their scraps and got water when I could when we stopped. We'd been travelling for quite a while when we finally came upon a small frontier town. I kind of liked it and we parted ways. Plenty of food for a rat like me. I noticed another wagon and hopped up into it.

I was poking around in the front before noticing the back had two dusty, mean-lookin' humans laying in it--one tall, one short--their hands tied with rope around their wrists. I sniffed closer and the tall one of 'em said "Hey now, rat...mind helping us out here a bit? We'll feed ya and you can come with us."

Willard stopped talking and looked at me. "Cat, are you groanin' again?!" he yelled. I couldn't help myself. "Oh for Bastet's sake Rat!" I yelled back. "Tell the blasted story!"

He glared at me and continued. "I freed 'em and they ended up getting ahold of some weapons and robbin' the town blind. I got to ride on their shoulders as they did it. Pretty exciting for a young rat like me. When they were in the clear, I got all the food I could handle. That was good eatin' I tell ya! His buddy asked him how'd he know I was gonna help. 'Easy,' the tall one said."

"Don't tell me Willard," I interrupted. "Because 'rats like to gnaw things.'"

Willard squeaked loudly as he chuckled. "Well now," he said through his laughter. "I think my rat humor's starting to rub off on ya!"

Oh, I most certainly hope not.