Willard's Roommate

I thought I would stop by and check in on Willard the Jail Rat. I was most surprised to see that there was another rodent in his cell. A roommate perhaps? What is its name? I thought Willard did not like others in his cell with him. A rat loner.

It was most chatty in a Chester kind of way. It was rather hard to keep from eating him as he looked quite appetizing. I asked him how he was enjoying his new abode and he simply said "There are not enough things to gnaw on, and you know how we rats like to gnaw things!"

Oh, for Bastet's sake.

Steam Willard is Out

I set out the larger version of Steam Willard the Rat at the warehouses, which reminds me that I must pay a visit to the live one.

Thinking

Many of Steelhead's residents were away recently and although I should have taken over the town in a swift, bloodless (or maybe not) coup that could have involved automatons and a touch of chaos, I chose not to. First, because I just don't feel like rebuilding the warehouse quite yet, and second, because I don't feel like The Redhead giving me a reason to rebuild the warehouse quite yet. In the meantime, I walked over to the Town Hall lockup to chat with Willard, who commented upon the fact that I was not knee-high. "'Twas only a choice for convenience to be this form today Rat," I said to him as he squeaked a chuckle. "You know the deal I made." I moved aside some papers and other effects on Fuzz's desk and had a seat as we chatted. Rodentspeak is a much more complex language than it seems at times... I know I have been "quiet" again as of late, as I have had "business" to attend to. After all, one does not get to be the regional head of a shadowy organization by leaving such things undone. The nature of it I shall not go more into it. 'Twas a bit unsavory and a lot uncomfortable for the parties involved. I left Willard to his plate of cheese and rants about traps and headed across the way to the main meeting room. As I perched upon the main podium, I thought "Hmm...I need to have a little chat with Mr Quan." 'Tis a rare thing when I smile.

A Restorative Soup and a Turkey Flock

I paid a visit to Willard today. After all, I must keep my Rodent language practice going. He squeaked with laughter over a "Steam Willard" winning a trophy in the recent build contest and mused about if he was made of metal and all of the things that he would do. "First of all, I would bet it'd be good at gnawing!" he said. "After all, rats are good at gnawing things!" I groaned...
And for the love of Bastet do not tell Willard about the bowl of rattail soup that I left at The Elf's home. My minions did manage to whip up a pot of it from an old family recipe of mine. It is said to cure all ills--or create new ones. I can not quite remember... I realized that The Elf's garden seemed to be teeming with rather large gobbling turkeys. I cackled a bit as they came closer. Yes, my gobblers...closer...
I thought I'd sit in my chair back at the warehouse and think about my idea a bit more...

Willard the Rat: Ruinin' Good Cheese

I went to visit Willard the Rat today. Seems the cell was freshly washed before I came, so I sat down to listen to him. "Do try to not be as longwinded as usual," I said. "The minions get into things when I am away."

His beady eyes glittered a bit before he said, "Aw, shut yer trap cat. I'm not 'longwinded", I've just got plenty to say."

"No doubt about that," I muttered to myself.

"I'm right here, ya know," he said, his little ears twitching. "Anyways, I got a story for you today involving excitement, adventure, and cheese."

"Cheese?," I said, rolling my eyes. "Oh, for Bastet's sake, I should've known."

He laughed his squeaking laugh and continued, ignoring me. "Well, you remember the two guys that I helped escape, right? Turns out they were the McGillicuddy Brothers, outlaws and general public menaces. Of course, I didn't care about all that given that I was fed quite well. All the stuff I could handle. The tall one--Sean--took care of me pretty well. He also usually had to take care of his younger brother Patrick, who was kind of reckless."

"It was kind of an exciting time for a young rat like me. There was something about riding the horses into a new town. Always the same: Folks comin' out and watchin' us go by, the men of the town scowlin' and lookin' like they want to grab their weapons. The sheriff at some point would make sure that we knew he was there. The ladies just looked. Everyone stayed outta our way. Always the same."

"Well, we stopped in this small town and went straight to the lodgings there. The man didn't ask any questions. Just took our money, told us when mealtime was, and handed over our room keys. The lady was a whole other story. Upon seeing me perched on Sean's shoulder she started screamin'. I mean, she would not shut up. Her husband's tryin' to hush her and all, but she wouldn't shut up. She finally calmed down and asked for a moment to freshen up our rooms a bit more. The brothers looked at one another and shrugged. 'Won't be too long,' she said, and hurried off."

"A few minutes later we went on into the room and I started to sniff. The Brothers noticed the cheese first and looked at one another. Patrick went on over and sniffed it and started cussin' in another language. I started to hop down from Sean's shoulder, but realized the cheese smelled a little funny. He held onto me and said, 'Not this time, friend. It's got a l'il extra on it that can kill ya.' I figured out what he meant and it was my turn to start cussin'."

"The Brothers turned right on around and hightailed it outta there. We hopped on their horses and I think it's safe to say they did a bit of damage that night. 'Nobody messes with Willard!' they yelled as they tore through town, leaving a trail of mayhem behind 'em. Darn straight! Ruinin' a good piece of cheese like that!"

Willard looked me square in the eye and said, "Nobody oughtta ruin cheese."

Oh...my...

Willard the Rat Meets Chester the Mouse

Thought I'd stop by to visit with Willard the Jail Rat today. He muttered something about how long it'd been since my last visit and I set the tray of fresh cheese down for him. He started to launch into one of those stories of his when he yelled "What the heck do ya have there in yer mouth?! It better not be what I think it is!"
I had forgotten about Chester and calmly stopped chewing on him. I spat him out and held him up delicately with my claws by the end of his tail. "Wellhellotheresir! HowareyouI'mChesterandyouare... Ohwowyouliveinajail?Isitfun?Doyoumeetprisoners?Doyouwanttoescape? Oooooo...cheese!"Willard stopped dead in his tracks and stared long and hard at both of us..."On second thought," he said. "Keep on doin' what you were doin'..."

Willard the Rat: Striking Out for Adventure!

As usual, I stopped by for my weekly visit with Willard the Steelhead Jail Rat. I set down the fresh cheese platter and some water and he promised to at least ask me before relieving me of my lindens this time. I got comfortable and he jumped right into his story:

"Well, I said my goodbyes to Rattus and the crew and decided to strike out on my own. I wanted to see what opportunities there were for a young handsome rat such as myself. Quit yer groanin' cat!"

I rolled my eyes and waved a paw at him, "Go on already."

"As I was saying, I made my way through the port and decided to hop on the first wagon going out of there. I didn't care where it was going. Adventure was in my future! Nibbled on their scraps and got water when I could when we stopped. We'd been travelling for quite a while when we finally came upon a small frontier town. I kind of liked it and we parted ways. Plenty of food for a rat like me. I noticed another wagon and hopped up into it.

I was poking around in the front before noticing the back had two dusty, mean-lookin' humans laying in it--one tall, one short--their hands tied with rope around their wrists. I sniffed closer and the tall one of 'em said "Hey now, rat...mind helping us out here a bit? We'll feed ya and you can come with us."

Willard stopped talking and looked at me. "Cat, are you groanin' again?!" he yelled. I couldn't help myself. "Oh for Bastet's sake Rat!" I yelled back. "Tell the blasted story!"

He glared at me and continued. "I freed 'em and they ended up getting ahold of some weapons and robbin' the town blind. I got to ride on their shoulders as they did it. Pretty exciting for a young rat like me. When they were in the clear, I got all the food I could handle. That was good eatin' I tell ya! His buddy asked him how'd he know I was gonna help. 'Easy,' the tall one said."

"Don't tell me Willard," I interrupted. "Because 'rats like to gnaw things.'"

Willard squeaked loudly as he chuckled. "Well now," he said through his laughter. "I think my rat humor's starting to rub off on ya!"

Oh, I most certainly hope not.

Willard the Rat: A Tale of Two Kitties

I missed my weekly visit with Willard last week due to that minor mishap with the electrical line, so I thought I'd stop by. The usual threats were exchanged, the cheese was set out and all and I think I fell asleep somewhere around "...And I told those two cats, you know--Buttons and Dribbles--that rats love to gnaw things..." All I heard was more "blahblahblah" and fell asleep. I woke up to his laughing--which sounds like a high-pitched squeaky wheeze--and his saying something about his rat humor being too much for me.

I checked my pockets before I left and a few of my Lindens were missing. After exchanging some more threats and baring my fangs and claws he grumbled something about violence and cats going hand in hand and begrudgingly gave them back. I mean, really...he lives in a jail. With no one else. What in the heck was he going to buy?

Oh nevermind, don't answer that.

A Willard Story: Rattus the Wimp & the Chorus Girls

As you all may well know, I pay a weekly visit to Steelhead's most famous rodent, Willard the Jail Rat. Who else knows criminality better than someone used to society's underbelly? Besides, it helps improve my Rodentspeak. He finally told me his two middle names and his last one, but he says he has a reputation to maintain. He has a tendency towards being long-winded, but I threatened him I would bite him if he did that to me again, so he told this one instead:

"Well, there was me 'n' this ol' ship rat named Rattus..." he said.

"Rattus? Well, that's rather original..." I started to say.

"Don't start, ya rude feline, and lemme finish already," he said, his dark beady eyes glaring at me. I raised my paws in resignation.

"Anyways, there was this ol' ship rat named Rattus. He was always talking about how big 'n' bad he was, how the humans didn't scare him at all and how he had no fear. I was practically a pup, off on my first adventure on a clipper. Ahh, it was a rat's life! Gnawing on things, climbin' the ropes, eating hardtack, being out in the fresh salty air, gnawing on things..."

"I do believe you said that already Willard."

He sat up on his haunches and looked at me. "Whaddid I tell ya cat?! You wanna hear this or not?"

"Oh, for God's sakes! FINE!" I started muttering to myself.

"Well, me 'n' Rattus an' some of the other ship rats hopped off when we reached the port and made our way to a dancin' hall, where the humans like watching the female ones in their fancy wear--what there was of it on 'em. It's usually good eatin' for us there. Rattus yells to the rest of us 'Watch this!' and runs out on the stage. The females all start screamin' and runnin' around. We're all laughing until this female comes out with a huge broom. You see his eyes get all scared and he cowers. In a flash, the big'un steps on his tail and starts whacking him with a broom. He's curlin' up a ball screamin' 'Nooo! Ow! OW!" over and over again and the rest of us are on the side laughin' as this big human is whackin' him over and over again. Somehow he gets himself free and runs off to where we are. He's all bruised up and his fur was all roughed, but you know what he said to us?"

"Do I really want to know, Willard?" I said, yawning.

"Yeah, ya do! He ran over to us and said 'I sure showed her!'"

At this, Willard keels over, convulsed with laughter. It took everything I had not to bite him anyway. Rat humor...I swear.

A Visit with Willard

BonkerZ and I went over to the jail for my weekly visit with Willard. He says he does not like visitors normally, but he does not mind me as I listen to his rather longwinded tales and bring him treats such as this fine plate of cheese. BonkerZ asked if he was the garnish and we both looked at her...As she sat on Sheriff Fuzz's Nun Gun, I had to explain Steelhead SWAT to her: "Well, essentially, the humans like to dress up as the religious women and tote firearms from time to time. Keeping the peace with a piece, shall we say?" "Well, that makes no sense," she said.

I shrugged. When do humans ever make sense?