I Know the Feeling...

Yes, I know how this feels...

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Winter in Steelhead

I gave my neighbor two paws up for this one during the recent snow in Steelhead...

A Day at the Dog Park

Sometimes I like to walk over to the dog park and mess with the canines. What the...is this one sniffing me??!!!Doom rays on "stun" work wonders...

I Almost Forgot

I almost forgot. I know that it is after the holidays, but my minions' gingerbread rendition of the Port Harbor warehouse won 2nd place in the contest. I snuck in later and took a bite out of the winner's.

Yes, I am that petty.

Ask ETK: Flushed Away

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

My kitty Raven is obsessed with watching the toilet flush. Whenever I go to flush it, if she can get into the restroom she will run in and hop up on the seat and watch as it flushes down. Why?

Signed,
Porcelain God

Dear Porcelain God,

For some kitties, the siren call of the swirling water is too much for them. The strange white monster makes the noise, but then--wonder of all wonders--the water goes round and round. It disappears and then it is calmly back again. Where does it go to? Is it magic? Why...does...it...swirl? Those are questions many kitties ask themselves. I, for one, have no interest in seeing human waste matter swirling away.

Ew.

Perhaps your kitty has the same *cough* "quirk" as this one:


If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Thinking About...Ebenezer Scrooge

I always appreciated Ebenezer's way of thinking: Sticking to his convictions and keeping his minion Cratchit in line, all while shaking his fist in defiance at the world. After all, is that much coal for warmth in the office really necessary? And his stance on workhouses and how to decrease the "surplus population" of the poor? Legendary.

So when I heard that he had been "reformed" I headed over to his place of business to see for myself. His minion Crachit was as chipper as ever, much to my annoyance. However, it was seeing Ebenezer being so "perky" himself that made my kitty stomach turn ever so slightly.

As I sipped my tea I asked him about his recent change of his ways and what brought it about. "Four ghosts? Really?" I asked. "Are you sure you hadn't been sipping much that evening?" He insisted he had not and said that he even saw his old partner Mr Marley. "My God man, what was in your gruel?" I asked. I offered him the name of some experts in spirit removal--as well as that of a psychiatrist--but he declined, saying he was a reformed man. I told him that I would miss our scowling contests (he usually won). He said that I should try being nice, I might like it, to which I said only one word:

"Humbug."

Holiday Recitation of the 12 Days of Steampunk Mad Scientist Christmas

Tomorrow, do come out as I shall be caterwauling singing my "12 Days of Steampunk Mad Scientist Christmas" song at the Steelhead Holiday Storytelling Festival. It will be held from 5 - 7 pm SLT at the Steelhead Library Gardens in Steelhead City. I go on at 6:30.

The Elf was so kind as to recite it for me last year. I shall spare him this time. For those of you who would like to follow along, I am reprinting my lyrics here:

The 12 Days of Steampunk Mad Scientist Christmas
by Malegatto Alter

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...a tock lobster in the warehouse
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...two Tesla coils
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...three brass cogs
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...four rubber gloves
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...FIVE BIG AIRSHIPS!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...six mobs a yelling
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...seven folks a screaming
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...eight rats a running
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...nine minions missing
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...ten labs a burning
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...eleven beakers bubbling
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...twelve diff'rence engines

And for the fun of it, my version of "The Christmas Song"...

"Minions falling into an open fire
Police breaking down your door...
Brass robots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to beep tonight..."

Yes Cato, there really is a Santa Claws. See you all tomorrow.

Ask ETK: Love Nips

Dear Evil Tiny Kittty,

Why does Frank nip me when I am minding my own business on the computer?

Signed,
Trying This Again

Dear Trying This Again,

How many times do I have to tell you that this handsome fellow can do no wrong?

Frank, you can nip me instead. Telegraph me.

Your human? Quit writing me already...

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Evil Tiny Kitty of the Week: Wakey, Wakey...

When will the humans learn that we wake up quite early and like them to serve us then as well? The efforts we must go through...

Evil Tiny Kitty of the Week: "Hate" is Such An Ugly Word...

...but sometimes, it seems to sum things up quite well...

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Evil Tiny Kitty of the Week: Yes, Hiding is GOOD

A minion after my own heart...I do like how they think...

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Thinking About Vic Frankenstein...

I was thinking about Victor today. When he created his Monster, it was the culmination of years of what one could call obsessive research and experimentation in the obscure alchemical arts. He talked about it incessantly. "My creation" this and that. I would just politely sip my tea and nod. However, once made, the fool went and abandoned it, leaving the sentient creature wandering aimlessly with pretty much nothing better than to have alienation and revenge on its mind--eventually picking off Vic's loved ones one-by-one. When he sent me a letter saying he was going to the Arctic to deal with it once and for all, I could only shake my head. "My God man," I sent back by way of reply. "Some people should never be allowed to reproduce. Do pack warm clothes though, as I hear it is quite brisk there."

Ask ETK: Garden Gnome Attacks

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

I am having a problem with Scout again. Why does she keep attacking my garden gnome and breaking it?

Signed,
Broken

Dear Broken,

'Tis a garden gnome.

May I help her?? PLEASE?


If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Yes, I Have a Theme Song: Skullcrusher Mountain by Jonathan Coulton

I am used to being on the receiving end of them, but I thought I'd brave the pitchforks and torches and attend the angry mob-themed dance last night in Steelhead. While there, Sheriff Fuzz played a favorite song of mine that many agreed was rather...appropriate:

The lyrics are rather spot on. Did he get ahold of my journal somehow?

Evil Tiny Kitty of the Week: Minion Potential

Minions with such potential to slip away unnoticed like that are always of value!

Feline Transport

The latest in automated feline transport. Surely something like this will come in handy (for me). I shall set my minions to work:

Not My Doing This Time

The dam in Boomtown seems to have developed some cracks and water is pouring through. As tempting as it is to claim this one for myself, alas, I can not. I am so sorely tempted to make those cracks ever so slightly wider though...In the meantime, I ended up in the flooded mines. I know these tunnels under the city quite well now and there was something there that I needed to investigate. I ended up catching a little mousie that seemed to be trying to get out of the water...I shall not eat Chester, but I know that Chuckles will not like him at the lab in Tam. Hmm...I needed a new live chew toy...

Ask ETK: Love or Stabbing?

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does Mittens show love by laying on my lap but always tries to stab me in the thighs?

Signed,
Miss Invisible

Dear Miss Invisible,

When you sit on a cushioned chair, are you showing it love by sitting on it?

No.

You, my dear...are the chair. Try not to confuse yourself into thinking otherwise. The stabbing is just to keep the cushion, I mean, you from shifting and upsetting the delicate balance of relaxation and peaceful thoughts.

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Willard the Rat: A Tale of Two Kitties

I missed my weekly visit with Willard last week due to that minor mishap with the electrical line, so I thought I'd stop by. The usual threats were exchanged, the cheese was set out and all and I think I fell asleep somewhere around "...And I told those two cats, you know--Buttons and Dribbles--that rats love to gnaw things..." All I heard was more "blahblahblah" and fell asleep. I woke up to his laughing--which sounds like a high-pitched squeaky wheeze--and his saying something about his rat humor being too much for me.

I checked my pockets before I left and a few of my Lindens were missing. After exchanging some more threats and baring my fangs and claws he grumbled something about violence and cats going hand in hand and begrudgingly gave them back. I mean, really...he lives in a jail. With no one else. What in the heck was he going to buy?

Oh nevermind, don't answer that.

2nd Annual Mad Scientist Convention!

I received this missive recently and I am most excited...

"Caledon Steam SkyCity is proud to present the SSC 2nd Annual Mad Scientist Convention - SSC ReAnimated
May 2nd, 2009; 3pm and 5pm SLT

Has your research turned to archaic subjects?
Do your formulae come from ancient tomes as much as from modern journals?
Are you meddling in things Man was not meant to know?
From Frankenstein to Tesla, and from Flamel to Herbert West, some scientists cannot leave well enough alone.

Join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 3pm for the Speed Building Contest, Avatar contest entries must be received by 4pm with winners announced during the Mad Scientist's ReAnimation Ball starting at 5pm. There will be two build contests with a grand prize in each category and a dance in the evening.

*Unnatural Creation Avatar - Building starts now, with judging on the day of the convention. Create an avatar from scratch. Is it a murderous robot? A living Construct? Did you summon Cthulhu from a test tube? Let your imagination run wild, and show us that science really can "open strange doors." Avatars will be judged on creativity, quality, and fit with the theme. No parts from other avatars - must be wholly your own creation. Judging between 3pm and 4pm SLT.

*Speed build- one hour, theme related to "weird science practices" will be announced at the start of the contest. Building starts at 3pm, and stops at 4pm. Judging will be based on quality, originality, and how well it fits with the announced theme.

Do not let the narrow-minded views of fools and stagnant academics hinder you. This is Science!"

Haaaa! Science INDEED! I won "Best Rant" last year. Hmm...I do hope to be able to participate.