Ask ETK: Flushed Away

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

My kitty Raven is obsessed with watching the toilet flush. Whenever I go to flush it, if she can get into the restroom she will run in and hop up on the seat and watch as it flushes down. Why?

Signed,
Porcelain God

Dear Porcelain God,

For some kitties, the siren call of the swirling water is too much for them. The strange white monster makes the noise, but then--wonder of all wonders--the water goes round and round. It disappears and then it is calmly back again. Where does it go to? Is it magic? Why...does...it...swirl? Those are questions many kitties ask themselves. I, for one, have no interest in seeing human waste matter swirling away.

Ew.

Perhaps your kitty has the same *cough* "quirk" as this one:


If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: Love Nips

Dear Evil Tiny Kittty,

Why does Frank nip me when I am minding my own business on the computer?

Signed,
Trying This Again

Dear Trying This Again,

How many times do I have to tell you that this handsome fellow can do no wrong?

Frank, you can nip me instead. Telegraph me.

Your human? Quit writing me already...

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: Garden Gnome Attacks

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

I am having a problem with Scout again. Why does she keep attacking my garden gnome and breaking it?

Signed,
Broken

Dear Broken,

'Tis a garden gnome.

May I help her?? PLEASE?


If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: Love or Stabbing?

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does Mittens show love by laying on my lap but always tries to stab me in the thighs?

Signed,
Miss Invisible

Dear Miss Invisible,

When you sit on a cushioned chair, are you showing it love by sitting on it?

No.

You, my dear...are the chair. Try not to confuse yourself into thinking otherwise. The stabbing is just to keep the cushion, I mean, you from shifting and upsetting the delicate balance of relaxation and peaceful thoughts.

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: Oh...It Doesn't Even Matter...

This is Frank. I was told in a letter that he gets excited about squirrels outside and knocks over things inside. I mean really, who doesn't?

I don't care what he's done wrong. Those big paws? That come-hither look? That little "goatee" splotch that gives him such a rogueish, dashing air...and oh my--he has golden eyes?

*waves a paw, giggles and whispers*

"Telegraph me..."

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK:

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does Scout pull my textbooks into her litterbox? And why does she try to remove the insulation from my air conditioning?

Signed, Two Seconds From Screaming

Dear Two Seconds From Screaming,

It is because she can.

And from what I can see from this photo, you didn't need those textbooks anyway as it seems she is the one really doing the work!

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: Rodent Play Dates

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty:

Pray tell, why does my cat play with rodents? Eat them, certainly, though one would think tuna would taste better than mouse, but I cannot understand the play date first.

Signed,

Just Eat It, Cat


Dear Just Eat It, Cat,

Although I do quite agree with you about the absurdity of the "play" part. I can only think of one reason besides general amusement: boredom. Sheer and absolute utter boredom. Why else would we even dare to be seen with them if we are not pouncing upon them with glee?

There are times when we just simply can not be bothered. 'Tis entirely too much trouble to go mousing when you can let the mousie come to you! Personally, I like mine sprinkled with anchovies and drizzled with fish sauce. Good eating indeed! They also make nice presents too.

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: Cuddy

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does Cuddy force me to feed her all the time?

Signed,
I'm A Builder Not A Waiter

Simple. You are her pet and she has trained you well.

And I have heard that Miss Cuddy is 18 years old? I mean, really...if I was 18 years old I should like to have others feed me as well! By hand. At that age I would be cantankerous and demanding too! Oh wait...I do not wish to hear that I am like that already. Don't make me have to release the crate creature.

[UPDATE: Since publishing this, dear Miss Cuddy has since passed on. May she be surrounded by kitty delights and my condolences to her family.]

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well.

Ask ETK: ETK Answers Your RL Kitty Questions!

Today I am starting a regular posting called "Ask ETK" involving questions regarding your RL kitties! "Hopefully you can answer my questions on the mysterious things they do," The Elf said to me. I shall try.

If you have any RL kitty questions you would like answered, feel free to send them to me inworld or at malegatto[at]gmail.com and I shall enlighten you a bit from a cat's point of view! I also accept pictures of them to feature as well. Shall we begin?

(from top to bottom: Neko, Neeka, & Cuddy)

Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

Why does my kitty Neeka grab my hand and pet herself with it? And why does Neko like to get into boxes he cannot fit himself into?

--Moon Over Steelhead

Dear Moon Over Steelhead,

Miss Neeka is lulling you into a false sense of contentment and thinking "I shall make him think that I like him and he will give me more treats! I will just have to endure the infernal affection in the meanwhile." I'd sleep with one eye open with that one...

As for Mr Neko? He is Emperor of All Boxes. Continue to indulge the delusion and you shall live.


Dear Evil Tiny Kitty,

I have one that has been foremost on my mind recently...what IS that tail for? It seems it's merely a waste of...flesh bone and space...

--Blue in Steeltopia

*sputters*

Dear Blue in Steeltopia,

A "waste of flesh, bone and space"?! I am flabbergasted that you should say such a thing! It is for better balance, you nitwit! We communicate with them as well. Although, I must admit that it is also good for chasing when bored. It is also fun to tap things with it nonchalantly when I am being still. I can not imagine being without it. I do feel so for the lynxes, with their stubby ones and all. Don't tell them though...they are a bit "sensitive" about it. However do they manage? And honestly, I do not know how you humans stay upright without a tail. 'Tis bad enough you have no claws and can't truly see in the dark. You all must stumble quite a lot.